Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Blue Laws

For today, we're sharing with you something called Blue Laws: Laws which are still on the books, but make little sense or are rarely enforced due to their rampant idiocy.

In Seattle, WA it is illegal to:

Carry a concealed weapon over six feet in length.

Ride the bus with an aquarium on your lap.

Women who sit on men’s laps on buses or trains without placing a pillow between them face an automatic six-month jail term.

Lean up against lamp posts.

In New York City:

It is illegal for a woman to be on the street wearing “body hugging clothing.

Citizens may not greet each other by “putting one’s thumb to the nose and wiggling the fingers”.

Flirting may cost you a $25 fine. (I'm not going to be happy...)

In Staten Island:

It is illegal for a father to call his son a “faggot” or “queer” in an effort to curb “girlie behavior.

In Boston:

It is illegal to play the fiddle.

No one may cross the Boston Common without carrying a shotgun in case of bears.

No one may take a bath without a prescription.

Also, Quakers and Witches are banned from the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Sigh.

The point of all of this, is that really, does the government need to legislate these things? Am I really so silly as to think that I should sell my eye after it's removed, or does the Texas government actually need to make a law about it?

In Clarendon, TX it is illegal to dust a public building with a feather duster. So the question is, why do we bother? Would the world crash down on our heads if we dusted buildings? Does it really matter how many dildos we own (multiple southern states) or is anyone really ridiculous enough to push a moose off of an airplane (Alaska. Also, how would one get the moose ON the airplane?)

In short, these laws make no sense, but they're certainly fun to dissect as part of constitutional law and civil rights research. If you know a law you're fond of laughing at ,post in the comments.
Today's edition of The Brain Rot is brought to you by Arrow Shirts. Keep your friends close, and your arrows closer.
Without further ado, we bring you: the Deaths of Early English Kings.

Edmund I was murdered when he tried to single-handedly catch a thief. He forgot that, while it may be a crime to carry a knife and stab the king with it, most criminals are not too worried about committing crimes.

Harold II Godwinson was shot through the eye with an arrow. Stupid Normans.

William II Rufus was shot in the chest by an arrow. People accused his hunting companion Walter Tyrrel of having killed him on behalf of his brother, Henry I. Tyrrel, a great PR man, responded by fleeing the scene and having his friends claim he was not in the forest that day at all, and never saw the king.

Richard I Lionheart was a connoisseur of of archery to a fault. He was besieging a rebellious castle and walked around outside without armor on. A young man on the castle wall shot at him, and Richard stood there applauding the shot as it plunged into his neck. He got gangrene and died, although not before pardoning the shooter for being an excellent shot. On a side note, his brain, heart, and body are buried in three different places in his French domains.

Edward II is generally rumoured to have been gay; even Christopher Marlowe thought so. So of course his murderers decided to stick a copper tube up his bum, followed by a red-hot poker. Seriously. At least they may have suffocated him to death first.

So what have we learned? If you're an English king, arrows are hazardous for your health. As is being king. See you all in the next edition of The Brain Rot.